Friday, October 25, 2013


I'm feeling a little better about the ex thing. I'm pretty much trying to just accept it and move on. He's making it very hard because he's telling me that he realizes how much he's screwed up, what he's done, etc... and basically making all those bad feelings flare up in me.
So I'm going to try to map out the Marcus thing as best I can here. I met him through an online friend when I was almost 16. He was almost 18 (his bday is 10 days after mine.) He lived in Wisconsin, and I was here in Alabama. At that point, I had slept with 3 people. He is a very sexual person, and I obviously have a need to feel wanted, so things got sexual very quickly. He also told me he loved me after a couple of days. Of course I said it back. He talked me into sending him pictures and we had phone sex. A lot. Well, over the years, we would have significant others, but in between them (at least for me) we would talk to each other. When I graduated high school, I moved into an apartment with my best friend. That August, Marcus came down to see me for the first time. We spend 3 days together (in bed most of the time). After that, we continued to talk and then he came down again at the end of September. At that time I was dating a guy I really didn't even like anymore, I just didn't want to be alone. So Marcus came down and we spend another few days together. After that, in November of that year, my best friend and I took a roadtrip to Wisconsin and stayed one day. Nothing happened between us then. From there somehow we decided we were together. I started considering it a relationship and was completely faithful. Him? Not so much. I found out about a couple of girls later he said he didn't sleep with, but now I highly doubt that. Anyway, he came back down for New Years, and he proposed to me on Dec. 29th. I said yes. He was slated to leave for Iraq at the end of April, so we decided we would wait until he came back to get married. He came down to see me again at the end of January, and I went back up to see him in February when they were having a send-off for his unit. In March I found out I was pregnant. Because of that, we moved the wedding up and got married on Apr 27. He left for Iraq 2 days later. He was there for a year, but he did get to come back on leave for 2 weeks when our son was born on Oct 29. It was at that point that I found out he had been having some very inappropriate conversations with a female soldier in Iraq. He went back, and I spend the entire time he was gone out of my mind with worry. Like literally physically ill.

[Will be continued in a later post]

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