Thursday, October 24, 2013

Manipulation

So, I think I may be way more manipulative than I'd like to admit.
Every time I see the descriptions for BPD, manipulative is one of the biggest negatives I see.
This has always offended me, but I'm starting to think more and more that it may be true.
I know everyone is manipulative to a point, but one thing sticks out from a few years ago, and I think it's starting to flare back up now.
The year after I graduated high school, I was still dating a guy who was in high school (yeah, yeah, cougar, I know).
Well, I broke up with him during the summer because I decided I was bored and I had other options.
Well, a month or so later, I got sad and changed my mind, and we got back together.
I was his first girlfriend, kiss, etc...
Obviously, I also took his virginity.
So anyway, when we got back together, he acted weird the whole time, and broke up with me a few weeks afterward.
Unfortunately, the poor guy was nice and wanted to be honest, so he told me there was another girl at school he liked.
I didn't even like him that much at that point, and I probably wouldn't have cared if not for that.
I didn't want her to have him.
So I waited until they had officially started dating, and then I told him he needed to come to my place and get his stuff.
I (for lack of a better term) seduced him, and left a MASSIVE (like softball sized) hickey on his neck.
I acted super apologetic and everything afterwards like I just got so passionate and didn't mean to, but it was totally on purpose.
So of course, the next day at school she was super pissed and never spoke to him again.
She did have a few choice words for me, but that only made the victory sweeter.
After that, he wanted me back and I laughed at him.
So anyway, flash forward to today.
As I said, my ex husband's girlfriend called me a few days ago.
I have continued talking to her all this time, and I haven't quite figured out why.
She seems nice enough, but I always think of Steven cheating on me when I talk to her.
We have discussed hooking up ourselves, which definitely interests me because I would at least like to try things out with a woman once to say I did.
And I may still do that, but I think I figured out what I've really been doing.
Even though steven and I are divorced, and the majority of me has no interest in being with him again, I want to ensure this is screwed up for him.
I know that he will just find someone else, but I want to destroy this.
So I have passed on little things he has said about her in defense to me bringing her up.
I am currently the only one who can visit him, and he is spitting the "I love you. I screwed up. You're the one for me, etc..." crap.
I admit it's nice to hear.
So I'm playing it a little.
And it's like everyone is just playing into my hand.
She wrote him a letter, and he wrote me and said he wants nothing to do with her and he hopes he never talks to her again. I have that in writing. So I told her what he said.
It hurt her.
A lot.
But it also means Steven's bridge is burned.
I think I like hurting people.
At least ones that have hurt me.
I can see her POV sometimes, but I also still know that she knew he was married and had a son, and she fucked my husband anyway.
So I pretty much think she deserves it.

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