So I haven't cut in like 2 years.
So yay relapse.
It's nights like tonight that I wish I did some sort of drug just to make things easier.
I have been drinking.
Half of one of the really big bottles of wine, and I'm still going.
And here I am.
I tore my razor up so I could get a blade because none of my kitchen knives were sharp enough to break skin.
But it's so nice.
The blood is so pretty and it just..I forgot how fantastic the pain feels.
Killian spent the night last night because you know he decided we could work or whatever and apparently I have a pahological problem.
But anyway, so I let him meet my son, Henry, which I really don't do.
I don't know what my fucking problem is or what caused me to trust him.
So he stayed the night and we had really great sex and talked for hours and it was really good.
And he said he was falling for me and that I'm wonderful and all this shit.
And then we got up this morning and he played Star Wars Guess Who with Henry.
And Henry likes him.
And then once Killian leaves I get a text that says when he woke up he thought he was at his old place with his ex.
And how he needs to take a breath.
And he's not ready.
Basically he's running when he promised me over and over last night that he wouldn't.
I know that he has his own issues, believe me.
But fuck, I thought I had been doing so much better and he just got me to open up so easily and I don't fucking get it.
So now that's it.
And I'm drunk and texting him stupid shit.
But my arm looks so pretty in scarlet.