Wednesday, June 27, 2012

How to Please the Unpleasable

I will be back to write in a bit, I just found this on another borderline's blog and felt like I needed to have it saved somewhere in case anyone ever asks me what it takes to keep me happy. A reader of her blog asked a question, and she gave a really good response:

I'm guessing you've had close romantic relationships with people. I saw your page and said hey, this could help me. I've been in an off and on relationship with a girl who I am 99% sure has some sort of disorder such as is described here. Just wondering how those relationships turned out for you. Any advice? I've been trying for years. It's so hard.
My relationships tend to be turbulent and intense, but not permanent. Then again, nothing is ever permanent until it is. Currently I’m single, if that tells you anything (of course I’m taking time off to just work on me - I feel to unstable to inflict myself on someone else). For me the best thing that helps is honesty and reassurance. It can be a little daunting to constantly reassure someone that you’re not going to leave, but small things, random texts to say your thinking about them, little things you know make her smile… just being honest about how you feel about her and telling her. Telling her, is the main thing, don't assume she knows. Include her in the plans you want to do, use ‘us’ and ‘we’ statements instead of just ‘I’ or ‘me’. Also if you think it’s possible for her, cognitive behavior therapy has done wonders for me. If she’s open to the possibility of therapy it could be very beneficial but this is something that must be brought up very tactfully and with the message that you want her to be the happiest with herself that she can be; her happiness is what's important to you, that it will make your relationship stronger and you will be there beside her the whole time. With therapy it often helps to have an objective third person point of view, that isn't emotionally attached to you, to provide stable input. Hope this helps.
*Note from me* Really the stuff in bold is the important part, but I didn't want to cut out half of the post. I am in therapy currently, so at least I'm doing my part. I'm really really trying to get past my issues, but it's hard and it takes time and patience. I fight with it every day. I literally leave therapy feeling drained and exhausted, like if I did hardcore exercise for several hours and then gave blood. I hate it, and it's so hard for me to be honest, but I am trying. Anyway, I will do an actual post later from the boy's house. Adios.

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